Titans Stop!
by Sir Alwick
Summary: A strange, alien device crash lands on Earth, bringing the Titans trouble that can only be described as...BIZARRO!
1. Chapter 1

The alien ship slowly drifted in the vacuum of space just beyond Earth's atmosphere, cold and haunting, casting a grim shadow over the unsuspecting planet. There was only one goal for the occupants of the dreaded vessel: the enslavement of all humanity and the destruction of the Earth. It was a task they were greatly looking forward to, for they were the most feared and ruthless beings in the entire galaxy. At least that is what they would have you believe.

"The time draws near," cackled a pudgy orange creature, waving his spiky arms in glee for the approaching battle. "Soon we will conquer the puny Earth people and take their planet and do whatever we want with it. Even throw it in the garbage if we feel like it on account of it will be ours."

The spikes jutting out from the orange beings body shook as his wicked laughter filled the bridge of the ship. His taller, green counterpart, however, simply stared in mild confusion.

"Uh, how exactly were we going to do that again?" he asked timidly, almost embarrassed to even be proposing the question.

"Uh, with the clones! Duh!" replied the other angrily.

An awkward silence over took the ship as the green alien searched the recesses of his mind, struggling to recall any information about a cloning project. In the end he could only muster a single response.

"Clones?"

The orange alien furrowed is brow, irritation evident on his flat, noseless face.

"Did I stutter?" he spat. "Yes, clones. Do you even pay attention when I am talking to you or are you just too absorbed in your own little world to listen to anyone?"

"This is the first time I'm hearing about this," replied the green one honestly.

"Shut up!" shot the other. "Behold the cloning sphere."

Perhaps by command or perhaps by simple coincidence, a portal opened up in the ceiling, allowing a moderately sized alien sphere to hover slowly downward, stopping just a few feet short of the floor.

The sphere was perfectly smooth on all sides, save for a small indentation in the top where there sat an white eyeball-like portal. It was a marvel of highly advanced otherworldly science. At least that's what it appeared to be.

"That's pretty cool actually" said the green alien, a little amazed at the sophisticated appearance of the object.

"Yes it is," said the orange one matter-of-factly. "It's only like the coolest thing ever. Now dump it out the airlock."

There was another awkward silence.

"Um, are you sure you want to do that?" the green alien asked questioningly.

"Oh gee," replied the orange one sarcastically. "Maybe not. Cause you know I only tell you to do things I'm not sure of. Cause I'm always doing that." His brow furrowed and fury flashed in his beady eyes. "Of course I'm sure. Now dump it out the airlock.

Completely at a loss, the green alien saw little point in arguing.

"Alright," he said.

Taking the object into his long spike-like arms, the alien carefully carried it to the emergency hatch and swiftly ejected it out into the void of space. After drifting for a few moments, the pull of earth's gravity took hold and the object began a decent to the planet below.

The orange alien was pleased and demonstrated this by letting lose another evil belly laugh.

"Yes, yes," he crowed. "And now we will activate the cloning sphere from the safety of our ship and watch as the people of earth are destroyed by an army of their own cloned selves."

The orange villain let loose another fit of evil laughter.

"So, uh, where's the remote?" asked his comrade after a few moments.

"What remote?"

The green alien scrunched his non-existent eyebrows.

"The, uh…remote…for activating the cloning sphere?" he asked, choosing his words carefully.

"Fool," barked the other. "There is no remote."

Again the green alien furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Well, we just shot the cloning sphere into space, and down to the planet."

"Yah," answered the orange one, not seeing the problem.

"Well, how're we supposed to activate it from here, if it doesn't have a remote?"

For several moments, the orange creature sat, thinking long and hard about the reality of the situation that was just revealed to him.

"Well, you know we just…Aw dammit!"

* * *

It was a beautiful day in Jump City. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the cliché's were out in full bloom. Not that this was terribly uncommon for the city of Jump, but this day held a particular significance: it was the seventh day without a single emergency. To the Titans, the city's protectors, this was cause for celebration, so they decided to do something they hadn't done in a long time: dress in their finest casual cloths and spend the day at the park. For the moment, life was good.

"Hey, Rave!" came Beast Boy's from across the sprawling grass.

The woman in question, hovering in lotus position a few feet above the ground, looked up from her book just in time to see her boyfriend of the past year, jogging up to her, a broad smile adorning his face.

"Me and Rob were just about to toss the football around. Care to join us?" he asked innocently.

"No thanks," she replied, returning her attention to her book.

"What if I took off my shirt?" asked the shapeshifter, teasingly lifting the front of his t-shirt and giving the empath a partial view of his well-toned abs. Adding to his impromptu strip tease, he flashed her one of the trademark toothy grins she loved so much.

"Tempting," she replied, regrettably unable to stop a small blush from tingeing her cheeks. "But I'm still going to have to pass."

"Okay," he relented. It wasn't necessary to push her into doing things as much anymore, now that they were close. "In that case, you just sit there and keep looking beautiful," he continued, giving her a little wink.

The empath could once again feel the heat rising in her cheeks and she quickly buried her nose in her book to cover the red that was now undoubtedly all over her face. Silently she wondered if there would ever be a time where the green man wouldn't have this kind of effect on her.

"May I have your attention please," came Cyborg's booming voice,

All at once the Titan's individual activities stopped and all eyes fell on their metallic ally. Behind him, blocked from sight by a white sheet, sat an unidentifiable object.

Back and forth Cyborg surveyed his teammates, and when he was absolutely certain they where all listening he continued.

"I am about to introduce to ya'll the most important scientific breakthrough in the history of mankind, a machine that will single handedly revolutionize the world as we know it."

Needless to say the rest of the team's interest was peaked. Cyborg was a certifiable scientific genius who had designed and constructed much of the equipment they used in their superhero exploits. Whatever he had come up with this time would most assuredly be impressive.

"Please Cyborg," said Starfire, brimming with excitement. "Tell us, what does your machine do?"

"Ladies and gentleman," he said extravagantly. "I give you the world's first-"

With a mighty tug, the sheet was ripped from its position and the object underneath, a crude boxy object with black plated panels on the top, was revealed.

"SOLAR POWERED CHILI DOG COOKER!"

The silence that over took the group could have knocked over a buffalo.

"Uh that's really great, Cyborg," said Robin, arcing his eyebrows, and not really sure what else to say.

"Geez," exclaimed Beast Boy, disappointed. "I thought it was going to be something cool." Lazily he approached the clunky looking machine and began haphazardly pushing buttons. "So how does it work?"

Abruptly his hand was slapped away by Cyborg's large metallic palm, sending shockwaves of pain up his arm.

"Dude!" he yelped, instantly sticking the wounded appendage in his mouth.

"It works by you not messing around with it," replied the metallic man threateningly. "Now everybody gather around and I'll give a demonstration."

There was a collective exasperated sigh among the rest of the team, but they gave their attention to the excited man nonetheless.

With the press of a button, the device began humming with life and vibrating ever so slightly. After a few seconds the humming grew louder.

Cyborg's face was a mask of excitement as his invention went to work, increasing in sound and vibration with each passing second.

"Almost done," he said, his eyes brimming with joyful tears.

The machine had just about reached its peak, but whether or not it cooked a decent chilidog would never be known as, without warning, a shiny alien sphere came soaring out of the sky and crashed into the ground, with Cyborg's latest invention absorbing the entirety of the impact.

A look of disbelief was frozen to the poor man's face as pieces of his beloved machine scattered around his feet. His eyes shone with unshed tears and the tiniest of gasps escaped his throat.

Several seconds passed before one of them finally found the ability to speak.

"Well, there's no way you can blame that on me," said Beast Boy.

_A/N For those reading my Altruism story, worry not, I'm writing the next chapter right now. I just had to start this idea._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Okay, just a heads-up. I'm retconning this story a little bit and changing Nightwing back to Robin. I think it'll just work better for the rest of the story. Also this has nothing to do with my other works. With that said, enjoy._

For several moments the Titans could only stare in shock at the strange device that had literally just fallen out of the sky. Finally with much pain and sorrow in his voice Cyborg broke the silence.

"NOOOOOO," he cried, dropping to his knees and sifting through the shattered debris of what had once been his latest invention. "It never even got to make it's first dog."

"Please, friends," began Starfire innocently. "What is this thing that has destroyed Cyborg's machine?"

At the mention of his decimated masterpiece Cyborg let out another mournful cry and threw his arms up into the air yelling, "Wwwwhhhhhyyyyy" at the top of his lungs.

As Cyborg despaired Robin meanwhile began closely examining the mysterious device. However, before he could properly assess the object, Beast Boy suddenly snatched it up into his hands.

"Dude, I saw this movie once about a group of advanced subterranean mole-weasels who stole people's minds and they used a machine that looked a lot like this. Neat, huh?"

Before any of the Titans could formulate a response the spherical device in Beast Boy's hands suddenly began glowing with an intense blue light and making a horrible humming sound. With a girlish yelp Beast Boy tossed the sphere into the air and into the hands of Starfire. With a vocal noise similar Beast Boys she tossed the object to Cyborg who then tossed it to Raven and back and forth the object went like a hot potato from Titan to Titan until finally Raven put an end to the charade by sealing it up in a field of black energy. After several intense seconds of uncertainty the blue glow disappeared and once again sphere returned to its former silverish chrome color. Naturally every Titan had the same reaction.

"Beast Boy," they all cried simultaneously.

"What?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders innocently. "How was I supposed to know it was going to go all glowy?"

* * *

After some deliberation it was decided to take the object back to the tower for closer examination. Now in the science wing of the tower the team's self-proclaimed top science experts (That being Cyborg and Robin) carefully poked and prodded the device while Beast Boy peered over their shoulders, wanting desperately to be a part of the process.

"Well, whatever it is," said Cyborg. "It's definitely not comprised of any material found on Earth."

"Alien stuff, huh?" shouted Beast Boy suddenly. "I got a lifetime subscription to Bizarre Occurrences Quarterly. Maybe I could-"

"Starfire said it wasn't anything she recognized though," said Robin, soundly ignoring Beast Boy. "And I trust her knowledge on these things."

"Hey, what if-" began Beast Boy.

"Maybe it's something interdimensional?" suggested Cyborg, once again interrupting Beast Boy.

As Cyborg and Robin debated the origin of the alien device Beast Boy continued bounding about the environment, trying to be noticed and every now and then chiming in with a "What if it's this," or a "How about that" getting louder and more aggravated with each passing second.

"Beast Boy," said Robin abruptly, trying to keep his cool after several minutes of incessant yammering. "Why don't you just go and relax somewhere. We'll call you if we need you."

"But I wanna help."

"We know you do," said Cyborg. "But why don't you just leave the science stuff to us. We wouldn't want anything to happen."

"Like what?"

"Well…"

* * *

"And then they said, "this was a very important and potentially dangerous discovery and you're just not qualified to handle it," like I'm some simpleton or something. I'm a hero, dammit"

After getting booted from the lab by Robin and Cyborg Beast Boy had retreated to Raven's room, seeking comfort. As he laid his head in her lap and she ran her delicate fingers through his grass color hair he recalled his painful experience, doing little impressions of Robin and Cyborg where appropriate.

"Of course I know what they really mean," he said. "They don't think I'm smart or responsible enough. After all these years they think I'm still this stupid little kid.

"Don't know where they'd get that idea," said Raven, her response full of sarcasm though it was completely lost on Beast Boy.

"I know, right? I mean you don't think I'm stupid, right?"

A heavy moment of silence passed between the two Titans.

"Right?" said Beast Boy again.

After some hesitation the empath finally responded with: "As someone who loves you I think it's best I don't answer that."

At that comment Beast Boy forced himself into a sitting position.

"Huh?" he said, sounding slightly hurt.

Raven felt guilt wash over her and she immediately went into damage control mode.

"Gar, you have so many wonderful qualities and believe me when I say I love you for exactly who you are. But in all honesty you're just not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Don't change the subject," he said sternly. "We're not talking about knives, we're talking about you thinking I'm stupid."

Raven sighed.

* * *

Beast Boy grumbled to himself as he skulked through the halls of Titans Tower, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. It had not been what he would call a good day. All his friends had showed him that despite all the growing up he had done since he'd first met them- he no longer fought with Cyborg about his eating habits nor did he bother anyone with his bizarre conspiracies- they still thought of him as the same immature 15-year-old, too stupid to take a unknown piece of alien technology seriously.

As he walked by the science lab he found the door was open. After stopping for a moment and taking a peek inside not only did he find that the room was empty, but there, on the far side of the room, sitting on a table was the device.

"Look at it," he muttered to himself as he narrowed his eyes and leveled an intense glare at the device. "Thinks it's so great."

The longer he stared at the object the more he felt himself entranced by it. It's smooth, shiny exterior beckoned to him, calling him into the room, begging him to solve its mystery. Soon he found himself tiptoeing into the lab. Carefully and quietly he approached the device, arms outstretched and fingers curled in anticipation. Closer and closer. Sweat began dripping from his temples. Closer and closer. The device's enticing, spherical frame shining in his eyes. He was close enough to smell it, even though the object didn't actually produce any sort of sent. However, before his fingertips could make contact he suddenly felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Beast Boy, what do you think you're doing?" came Robin's stern voice.

"Nothing," he answered in his most innocent voice.

Robin sighed and began guiding Beast Boy back towards the exit.

"Look, I've tried to be nice about this, but you leave me no choice. Beast Boy, anytime you mess around with something you always make things worse."

Beast Boy gasped loudly.

"I do not," he said indignantly.

"You fooled around with Cyborg's computer and gave him a virus. Then there was the incident with Control Freak and getting sucked into the television. And what about the time you brought home one of Killer Moth's silk worms even after I specifically told you not to?"

"Dude, all that stuff was years ago."

"Still, I'm not taking any chances."

With a little push, Robin forced the green teen out of the lab and back into the hallway.

"Stay out of this room," he said firmly, before swiftly closing the door.

Once again finding himself alone, Beast Boy shoved his hands back into the pockets of his uniform and resumed his grumbling as he walked down the hallway.

"So I'm not smart enough to not ruin everything, huh?" he though bitterly to himself. "Well, we'll see about that."

* * *

The delicious smell of cooking meat filled Robin's nostrils as he entered the common room. It was lunchtime and sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west Cyborg was busy preparing an exquisite and no doubt humongous meal.

After some delicate fiddling with the alien device he and Cyborg had yet to make any real progress in uncovering what it was, where it came from or even what it did. So, it was decided that a little break would be appropriate, let them rest their minds. After a bit of a workout at the gym, Robin found himself hungry and had returned to the common room for a snack. Once there, in addition to Cyborg cooking, he found Starfire sitting on the couch, watching a program on abnormal growths and Raven reading at the table, sipping a cup of tea. Everyone was accounted for, that is except for one.

"Has anyone seen Beast Boy?" he asked aloud.

"Nope," answered Cyborg bluntly, flipping a hamburger patty.

"Raven?"

"Not for a while."

Robin's mind wandered back to his earlier conversation with the changeling and he immediately began wondering about the possibility of Beast Boy not heeding his warning. He didn't wonder long, however, as suddenly alarms began blaring loudly throughout the room.

"Weak," groaned Cyborg. "Lunch was just about done."

Robin rushed over to the common room's emergency control panel and began searching out the location of the distress.

"So where is the danger," asked Starfire, hovering over his shoulder.

Suddenly Robin's eyes went wide.

"Here," he proclaimed. "We have intruders in the tower."

Cyborg was distraught. He'd put so much work into the Tower's new security system; it deeply troubled him that someone had even managed to get inside. Looking over Robin's shoulder he studied the emergency layout and sure enough there were five strange DNA signatures making their way along west wing of the tower.

"Come on, we don't have any time to waste," said Robin hurriedly. And with that the group rushed out into the hall.


End file.
